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It is so easy to blame others for what is not happening in our lives; when we have unmet expectations. When we blame others we become a victim of the circumstances that we find ourselves in.
When I returned to Belize I found myself in the situation of supporting two members of my boyfriend’s family. Unfortunate circumstances had befallen the family and these two fellows found themselves out of work in the slow season.
When I looked inside of myself I could not allow them to starve, so I made the decision to help them out with a place to live and food. My expectation was that they would look for work and they assured me that they would be able to find a job. One week dragged into the next and before long they became a drain on my financial resources.
I noticed I was feeling frustrated with the situation and I started to blame them for the drag on my finances. I started to blame them for my situation. I was being a victim!
I took three steps to stop being a victim and blaming them for the circumstances that I found myself in. I needed to take responsibility for myself and be true to me. I took the following actions:
Boundaries
I established a boundary with myself, no more rescuing. I chose to stop giving my boyfriend money to support them. I needed to allow his family to be responsible for themselves and let the universe take care of whatever was going to happen. When we take responsibility for others we take their power away from them and turn them into victims.
Resolve my Fears
One of the reasons why we rescue others is because our ego writes a negative story about the future. The story I was writing was that if I didn’t help, then they would be homeless and starve. The truth is that this story comes from my own fear of being homeless and starving. Rescuing is an emotional reaction to my own feelings of fear.
I used the Emotional Hot Button Removal Techniques to feel into the fear I had around being poor. Plus the frustration that I was feeling due to my unmet expectation that they would find work and support themselves.
Forgiveness
The cool thing about all of this is that what is occurring with the people around us is simply a reflection of ourselves. I was blaming them for not working and bringing in enough money. In some way I needed to forgive myself for not earning enough money.
There are two ways that forgiveness occurs, one is to consciously choose to forgive ourselves and the second is to resolve the emotional energy that holds us back. Rather than blame someone else we can tell ourselves “I forgive myself for …..” In my case not having enough money.
In a call with my coach we were talking about goals and I was telling him that setting numeric goals, like I will earn $200,000 per year, have never been reached. I could feel a lump come up in my throat. I sensed I was carrying around some deep sadness about money and not reaching goals. This sadness started in my past long before I was self-employed. I used the Emotional Hot Button Removal Techniques to release this energy and set myself free from this old emotional energy that was holding me back.
When we take a close look at ourselves we can see what needs to be resolved in us and we can turn blame into forgiveness which will bring us a greater sense of freedom and enjoyment in our lives. Where can you turn blame into forgiveness in your life?